Inside I'm screaming 'I love you'

Sunday, March 27, 2005

BOO. ): I don't feel good. I'm upset and confused. Some nice soul who's willing to let your eardrums burst listening to my nonsense, please call me now.

Just loaded my pictures. Dumb cousin of mine didn't managed to save me. Kept asking him online, but no reply! Hah! But after awhile, I figured out how ta do it. I needa upload those photos in the photo album, send the photos to the people in the photos! Hah! Parents are out for dinner, I'm here doing project all alone. GRRR. Don't talk about project. Something terrible happened just now.

How would you most likely to feel when the clique is doing the project together but you're out of the team 'cos they have got enough people already? And now, you're left outside alone. Before I can conclude anything, I considered what the other party would feel. For me, I know I wouldn't feel good. I would just keep telling myself, I'm okay when in me, I'm not o-fucking-kay. It's a terrible feeling and I've been through that before. It's not like I don't want the whole clique to do together. I want, but we've got no choice. We had a hard time thinking who to be in, who not to be in. I mean, I want the clique to do together but HOW? But now, it's still the same lah. Whether the instruction sheet explains four in a grp or whatsoever, everyone's in. I don't want any conflicts 'cos of the project.

I know there's some hidden conflicts in the clique, but we just don't wanna say anything 'bout it. We just remain gossiping among ourselves 'bout one particular person(or more). This is another huge problem. I don't expect my secrets to go around in the whole clique 'cos somehow I don't really trust some people. Ohwells, I don't know what I can do 'bout this.

I'm tired of showing you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, how much I want you here. Despite the many times, you took every moment for granted. Words are the only thing I've to take your heart away. You think I don't mean every word I've said to you. )'x

P/S: I'm so sorry, mansticles. I still love you, y'know?

; stick with you